Star Wars: A New Rabbit
by: Kyia Kenobi

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or franchises mentioned in this fan fiction and am not making any money from this story blah blah blah.


Little Bunny Foo Foo wrinkled her nose. There were definitely disadvantages to being a rabbit…………..


Star date Along time ago in a galaxy far far away……..

Food bowl status, full

Inside the cage the straw rocked and I’m swearing in rabbitese because my water bowl’s fallen on, my head for the umpteenth time this week. Whose idea was it to keep a rabbit on a cruiser anyway? They couldn’t have just left me at home? But noooooo, my stupid owner insisted messing with my ears and tying them in knots on the side of my head saying ‘now you look just like mommy’. Stupid princesses, blah.

The cage rocked again and fell off the shelf, a bit dazed and suffering with concussion, our heroine realises that the cage door was open. Whoo hoo freedom!!!! Bunny Foo Foo muttered in rabbitese, but it was short lived, my mistress came round the corner.

“Aww Bunny Foo Foo, did the big nasty white imperial stormtroopers scare you?”

Stupid stupid princess.

Hey who’s the big black guy; wonder if his gloves are edible?

The guy must have some empathy for rabbits cos he’s taken me away from Leia.

“Darth Vader, only you could be so bold” Blah Blah Blah Blah etc etc.

Nope his gloves aren’t edible, oh well least it’s pre CGI, a mate of mine had a bad trip on that once…but I’m digressing. Oh well, at least if they’re synthetic it means he’s probably a vegetarian and I won’t end up in a pie. On a bad note it’s making my fur static.

“Don’t act so surprised your Highness, you weren’t on any diplomatic mission this time”

“I don’t know what your talking about” Blah Blah Blah etc etc, She keeps looking at me sorrowfully, I like the big black guy better, least he’s not started to attack my ears with hairspray, despite the fact I’m obviously allergic. I remember the good old days when I was a back in the pet store before some dodgy guy in a purple dress bought me. I thought it was funny at the time that he insisted on a lop eared rabbit.

“You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor!”

Yeah big black guy you tell her, I feel very superior.

Please R n’R even to flame. Bunny Foo Foo is consolable

Star Date, along time ago but not quite as long ago as the last entry.

Food bowl status, non-existent.

Big black guy not as cool as first thought, even though he can crush people’s wind pipes without touching them (neat trick heh?); have been given back to Leia and in cell.

Meh, stupid static from big black guy’s gloves have brought on early moult and am shedding hair all over the place. No straw, no food bowl and a princess for company. On bright side she can’t play with my ears because she’s handcuffed to wall.

Nooooo little black guys have uncuffed Leia but she seems preoccupied with something else. Yay, BBG has returned for me, he’s brought floaty thing with him, Leia for some reason looks scared when it squirted some liquid. Don’t understand her, am quite relieved, am feeling quite parched and high tech water bottle would come in handy. Very thoughtful of BBG to bring me water bottle that doesn’t fall on head, Alderaanians; have come to the conclusion that they have more money than sense

“Now princess, we will discussion the location of the rebel base?”

Wishes BBG would speak rabbitese, would prefer to discuss some sesame seeds and straw. Durasteel very cold on paws.

Leia is crying, BBG has picked me up again, have strange suspicion he is threatening to make pie out of me unless she spills beans. Am considering peeing on BBG but then remembered strangle trick, has to be satisfied with shedding white hair all over his black cape.

Star Date, still a long time ago

Food bowl status, frustrating

Fur status, still moulting

Still no straw, fear haemorrhoids.

Am still in the cell, Leia looks kinda stoned. I know I should feel some sympathy but unless she produces a carrot from somewhere I’m not interested. This is all too stressful, if I’m not careful I’m going to end up like one of those tramp bunnies with no hair. Ooooh little black guys are back, a trip, I hope there’s straw.

Star Date, oh who cares?

Food Bowl status, sweet F,A.

Fur status, getting everywhere.

BBG has taken us to meet guy in grey with bad breath who said something about terminating her life, does that mean she’s gonna be made into pie? Hope that doesn’t include me. The idea being digested forever with Leia in the stomach of a guy with bad breath does not appeal. Really must get fed soon, food on mind way too much.

I try to look up sorrowfully at BBG hoping that he is secretly a member of the RSPCA or some rabbit-worshipping cult; that would be nice.

“You would prefer another target, a military target, then name the system!”

Hasn’t NQABGG heard of toothpaste chews, wish he wouldn’t stand so close, wonder if I can pee on him from here? Have been getting quite good with my aim of late.

“Dantooine, they’re on Dantoonine”

Leia looks upset, stupid princess, ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh look at all pretty fireworks.

She makes a grab for me as she’s led away; BBG takes me off random NQABGG, whoo hoo.

“Take her away”

I look up sorrowfully at BBG again.

“I sense much anger in you, bunny”

Ya think?????? You try being the pet of a hair obsessed princess, who’s father, I’m pretty certain is gay, how that works I’m not quite sure.

BBG nods as if understanding. “I may have use for you”

I hope it’s not pie.


Star Date, still along time ago but not as long ago as was last time I wrote something similar to this sentence.

Food Bowl Status, a distant memory.

Am idly hopping about on counter whilst BBG and BGG discussing something about alliance, think may have had that once, very itchy.

All that liquid from floaty water bottle has left me desperate for loo; have left puddle on desk, hope BBG doesn’t notice.

Am knackered, has been long day, luckily a nice pile of paper has been provided for me to shred, not straw but I guess I’ll have to get used to roughing it.

Huh, what do you know, BGG seems a bit miffed, also think he may have found my puddle. Whoops.

At least BBG seems amused “Come bunny, it is time I showed you the power of the dark side”

Hmmm hope its edible. He does know rabbits are vegetarian right?


Star Date, the day I got fed, whoo hoo go me!!!

Food Bowl Status, Tasty

Finally got some food from BBG, this whole dark side thing is great. Have been provided own cage and squeaky toys, hmmmmm plastic. However think BBG is only after me for one thing, repeatedly asking me about alliance and I keep telling him I had all my injections when I was a baby, suspect language barrier is a problem. All in all life is good, have food, straw and am not in pie, what more could a rabbit want from life?

On a sadder note, think BBG is allergic to rabbits; his breathing is a bit raspy and keeps coughing up weird coloured phlegm. Guess that was one advantage of living with Organas. Seems BBG also has a thing about playing with my ears, except instead of tying them in knots he keeps pinning them back under black cape. I insist that since I am a white rabbit a black cape would make me look too seventies but once again he does not seem to understand rabbitese. Sigh.


Star Date, closer to Christmas than yesterday

Food Bowl Status, half eaten

Hmmm is reconsidering this whole dark side idea. Not as cool as once thought. BBG grabbed me and sat on this giant toilet thingy (which was kinda disturbing if the truth be known) and then this Old Wrinkly Dude appeared in front of me.

Was very annoyed, cheap nylon cape inflicted on me by BBG, fur and static from the holo of the Old Wrinkly Dude gave me serious electric shocks. However strangely enough this seemed to impress BBG and OWD and they talked for half an hour about what could have been either of bunny Force lightening or the benefits of exfoliation on shrubberies, must brush up on basic.

Honestly have they really failed to notice was that the cheap nylon cape static had caused half my fur to fall on the floor? Can’t cope with this much longer. My only theory is that BBG’s asthma has always stopped him from having a pet and he thinks making a bald bunny as his chance of fulfilling a childhood wish, or that he is just really dumb.

Stupid Sith Lords, blah.

Am considering escape, as would rather be pie than bald.


Thanks for the reviews, they keep me going.

*For all those Americans confused by chapt5 (like u lightbulby!!!!!) the RSPCA is the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, basically a British be kind to your bunnies & etc club


Star Date, best before a long time ago

Food Bowl Status, icky

Really should have stayed with Sith Lord. After getting really annoyed with lacing cage with white hair, (and even squeaky toys can get boring after a while) decided to chew through bars. Was nearly rumbled but BBG under-estimated the powers of my teeth and thought I was just doing it to drive Not Quite As Big Grey Guy insane with the noise.

Anyway, got out eventually and decided to go for a wander. Made a fatal error in all my wisdom, must learn to control temper. Was having fight with small random droid, who was getting annoyed with all the currants I was leaving in the corridors, stupid droids, just because they don’t have to answer the call of nature! I did the logical thing when it started to push me around, kicked it with my feet and peed on it. So it tossed me in rubbish compactor, despite my cries that BBG would have his wheels when he finds out.

By the Great Bunny I think something is moving in here. Am getting brown goo all over fur and smell is really bad. Things can’t get any worse.


Star Date, worst day of my life to date.

Food Bowl Status, still icky.

Remember when I said things couldn’t get any worst, well they did.

“Oh Little Bunny Foo Foo, have you missed your mommy?”

“What an incredible smell you’ve discovered!”

Oh and she’s brought friends, I did not know Princess Leia had any friends, either way, at least she’s glaring at him for calling me smelly. Personally she is clutching me so close that I can’t breath let alone be bothered by the odour. Oh no, a strange furry guy is looking at me like I’m pie. Maybe if I beg he’ll eat Leia instead. Oh BBG why did I ever leave you!


Ohhhh the whiny short guy has just been dragged under, I knew I felt something moving. Oh well at least it’s not me, have a nice life whiny short guy.

“Shoot it!”

“Shoot it I can’t even see it”

Hello, am I the only one who remembers what happened the last time they set off a blaster, hmmm my static trick would come in handy now, wish I hadn’t ditched the cape, on second thoughts nahhhhhh, its more fun to watch him get eaten, its always good to see the tables turned.

Oh no, why are the walls moving, walls aren’t supposed to move, they’re supposed to say still and be peed against.

“Don’t just stand there gaping at it, try and brace it with something”

Why are they all looking at me?

Star Date, probably Pancake Day, cos that’s what we are going to be by the end of it.

Food Bowl Status, inedible

Am so scared have peed on Leia leaving yellow stain down her white dress, serves her right, nobody with her thighs should wear white, she’s like the iceberg that hit the Titanic, ¾ of her is below the midline.

Walls are still moving in, I swear I never thought it would end this way, short whiny guy keeps yelling at a com link uselessly

“Threepio, come in Threepio!”

What is a threepio? Is it like praying to Buddha or something?

Well what do you know? Buddha came through! Have slightly more respect for short whiny guy, still prefer BBG though. Once again, am kicking myself for being a slave to vanity and leaving him. Maybe will ditch Leia once we get out of the stinky place and try and find him again, however that may prove difficult the way she’s holding me. Random pirate guy keeps glaring at me, think he may be jealous that I am clutched so close to her chest, he wouldn’t if he knew they were durasteel (her thirteenth birthday present from her father I might add, told you the family were strange).


Star Date, day after the day that was probably Pancake Day.

Food Bowl Status, back with BBG

Running blindly round corridors, nobody seems to know where they are going, there’s a surprise, why is it humans will never stop and ask for directions?

Leia’s giving Random pirate guy the same speech she gave me when I chewed up her favourite hairpiece:

“But from now on you do as I tell you!” Blah blah blah, stupid princess.

RPG looks as about amused as I was over the speech, think he maybe vaguely normal, except for the fact he hangs round with Leia and a something that keeps sprinkling me with salt and pepper.

“Will somebody get this walking carpet out of my way?” Yeah you tell him Leia, he’s only about twice your height and could squash you like a bug and turn us both into pie, but no, go ahead and open your big mouth and annoy him even more than he already is.

“No reward is worth this!” I hear you RPG.


Star Date, why do I even bother writing this bit, everyone knows rabbit years are different to human years, sigh.

Food Bowl Status, once again depressing.

Random Pirate Guy has tried to persuade Leia to ditch me several times, suspect that like his scary friend (Who is now wearing a cook-out apron) he does not like bunnies, maybe it’s to do with his bad boy image (which I might add Leia is getting all swoony over, despite all the fighting. Am guessing it is due to the fact that most guys on Alderaan wear dresses so RPG makes a nice change), it’s difficult to be a devil may care pirate with white bunny on shoulder, wonder if I’d kept the cape he’d like me better.

Still running blindly round corridors except now we are playing game with random white guys where they shoot the wall twice then we shoot them in the head, is actually quite fun, am enjoying self for first time.

Seem to have lost RPG and his barbeque fork brandishing buddy. On bad side, am stuck with Leia and Short Whiny Guy, on good side…….. wait there is no good here.

“I think we took a wrong turn”

Have peed on Leia again, am very scared of heights, this adventure is doing no good to my fur, RWGs almost singed me back there, don’t they know they’re supposed to hit the wall, honestly.

“We’ve got to get across there somehow!”

Oh no you don’t, the only thing you’ve got to do is put me down so I can hop my way back to BBG.

SWG has produced thin ropey thing that looks as if it wouldn’t hold the weight of a hamster let alone Leia, they really are taking this game a bit to far.

“For luck” Leia is such a hoe.



Star Date, later than the last entry

Food Bowl Status, Leia’s dress

Well, what do you know, we made it across the ramp after all. Have decided to munch on Leia’s dress as this entire running around corridors scenario has made me very very hungry.

Hey BBG, over here, whooo hooo. Awww bless, he’s giving me a wave as he cuts that old guy in half with a high powered torch, I guess what they say about ever-ready is true. I think the old guy must be related to The Masked Magician or someone cos he’s disappeared. BBG is demonstrating the fact in a glitzy glamorous assistant kind of way by poking it with his foot and doing the whole cheerleader spirit fingers thing. You know I’m starting to see a pattern with my owners, I reckon BBG and Leia would have gotten on famously if he had not been so intent on torturing her.

Short Whiny Guy is obviously one of those annoying spotty kids who get scared at birthday parties by clowns because after the cool magic trick he’s crying like a baby.

Oh Random pirate guy and his friend the Sweeney Todd of the Bunny world are back.

Ooooh, whats that golden thing? Is that Buddha? And there was me thinking that he was supposed to be short and fat, scriptures really lose a lot in the translation.

Anyway, now being dragged on to space ship, hope it has leather upholstery.


Star Date, Roger Rabbit, hahahaha, well I thought it was funny.

Food Bowl Status, may end up in it before this trip is through.

The big furry guy has is currently stirring something on hob whilst hunched over Darth Delia Smith’s How to Cook book. While I am more than marginally worried about this feel reassured that it’s a Darth Smith recipe as will give me time to escape by the time he has found the quail’s eggs and blue milk for the pie I will be long gone. The irony is not lost on me that for a evil genius she hasn’t yet worked out that when designing a easy dinner that all most people have in their cupboards is a can of baked beans, half a potato and a Pizza the Hutt delivery menu. Must pass on the message to BBG that even the most evil of Sith Lords when taking over the galaxy can be dumb as a post.

Have decided to hop over to the cockpit to see if we’re going anywhere with carrots. Plus RPG has leather trousers, which are great for strengthening the teeth.

He’s looking down at me strangely; think he’s having a conscious problem. Can almost see the devil and the angel on his shoulder, one going am a big mean ass pirate am big mean ass pirate am big mean ass pirate and the other saying pick up the bunny, she’s sooooooo cute, not sure which way round that is though.

Ha ha! My ‘I am cute and fluffy’ doe eyed routine worked. Got picked up, am sitting being stroked by RPG while chewing contently on his trousers (author chokes on her Sprite in jealously), hopefully my cunning plan of wrapping RPG round my paw will mean I won’t end up as his mate’s pie.

Cos Bunny Foo Foo’s had such a good response I found an Internet café in Rhodes, Greece (Where me and Bunny Foo Foo are currently sipping Pina Coladas with cocktail umbrellas whilst wearing outrageously coloured Bermuda shorts) and I got a few updates posted for you guys. Anyway, now my rabbit and me have to go back to doing absolutely nothing on the beach, bye!


Star Date, Oh who cares.

Food Bowl status, green.

Have landed on planet full of veggies, hmmmm, was being to worry that lack of green food would give me scurvy but yet again have been saved by skin of teeth.

Anyway as it turns out BBG’s really pissed at Leia for stealing me, so he’s sending a big ping-pong ball to take out the whole place. Hasn’t he ever heard of over kill?

Guess not.

Coming to this planet has really taught me to value the black cape. Fashion seems to have digressed ten years, here I was worried about looking too 70s when I have been stuffed into a rabbit sized orange jump suit along with the rest of the population, I’m waiting for them to get out the marijuana and start doing the twist. Yep and Leia’s messing with my ears again.

I hope BBG has a brilliant plan to get me off the moon before he blows it up.


Star Date, T minus one and counting

Food Bowl Status, fluffy

Have decided to get off planet myself as do not wholly trust BBG after whole toilet incident. Have hidden in Short Whiny Guy’s x-wing as am pretty sure he will make a bolt for it when shooting starts.

Hiding under the seat is an adventure in itself; so far I have found an empty packet of crisps a copy of ‘X Wing Maintenance for Dummies’ (well they got that right), what I believe used to be a used tissue in a former life, a ‘So You’ve Decided To Sign Up for the Alliance’ leaflet, scrunched up and six mouldy liquorice allsorts.

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, etc etc, yup right on cue enter SWG crying like a baby and clutching his comfort blanket, I should feel sorry for the big furry guy…nope.

One small hop for Bunny Foo Foo, one giant leap for rabbit kind. Bet cousin George never got to ride in an X Wing.

Brilliant plan is not as brilliant as first thought. Seems I have under estimated cunning of Alliance leaders. SWG is pissed too cos it looks like the X Wing is stuck on autopilot and were heading into the middle of a dogfight. I always wondered how such a lost cause got so many pilots, now I know.


Star Date, possibly last day alive

Food Bowl Status, extravehicular

SWG is has moved on from crying to screaming. Is quite fun listening to com chatter, Red five is about to tell burgundy leader that the father of her child is really cerulean six from a one night stand they had when burgundy leader was away because of that incident when he lost his memory and everyone thought he had a fatal disease. Wow, never saw that one coming.

Ummm SWG????? We’re being shot at, think it might be wise if you got our fuzzy asses out of here. He’s started to go delirious, keeps muttering something about Ben and Force’s, hmmmm ice-cream. Hello SWG, shouldn’t we be firing back or something? Nope, he’s passed out. Honestly, send a human to do a rabbit’s job, luckily the diet coke dispenser on the top of the X wing is keeping us from crashing.

“The Force is strong in this one”

Hey that’s BBG on the com, hey BBG!!!!!!!!!!! Hey he’s shooting at me. Right, where’s the whatdoyamacallit button. Stupid bunny allergy guy.

“Luke you’ve switched off your targeting computer”

Hmmmm I wonder what the big red button does. Ohhhh look at all the pretty fireworks.


Star Date, a few days later

Food Bowl Status, rubbery

Hey, I didn’t get a medal either, stupid princess, stupid alliance, stupid Short Whiny Guy, wonder if I can pee on his yellow jacket from here.


The End!